I just scrolled past an MTV sponsored ad.
What is the tumblr coming to?
do you ever wanna listen to music but every song is just not the right song
And she’s gone.
After eight years,
I had to give her up.
I fucking loved that dog more than I like any damned human being on this planet.
And because of my own selfishness, lazyness, and immaturity I had to give her to goddamned Humane Society.
Well I guess this is growing up.
In my early high school days, an odd thought on its own, I heckled the shit out of anyone I thought to be less intelligent than myself, or anyone down with any kind of drug, or anyone who partied. I got myself a girlfriend, and even though we were only sophomores, I knew what we had was love. Then things unraveled between us and my relationship with my closest friend along the way, and what had once been easy class work started to challenge me. I recognized I was nowhere near the top of the academic food chain, or the fitness chain. But I still had the social ladder, the “cool” ladder which seemed to be climbed with little effort. I made a friend, a cool dude named Austin. And together we dove into Mary Jane’s cloudy pool of psychadelia. We had a mutual friend who had also recently taken his first dive into the pool of cool, his name was Cody. We three smoked weed, more and more each week, and eventually wandered into a magical forest of mushrooms, a forest we immersed ourselves in without hesitation. We three, covered in psychadelic crystals and wandering aimlessly met others along the way, and even convinced others to join our adventures, promising “awesome” and such “dope” experiences that never seemed to end. We were skipping class to get baked and sit in circles and have “intellectual discussions” on topics ranging from terrible pot puns to exististentialism to how silly everyone who wasnt us was. They felt like such glorious time. And on and on we wandered together, the coolest fuckers around. We tried acid, so rad. We did adderall, so deep. We hung with kids who’d been around the block, done heroin and cocaine, and seen some shit and we looked to them like sages.
In two years, I had become the exact person I treated with such disdain.
It’s strange to me, the transformations we as people undergo. The traits we trade as we grow. Say what you will, but it’s impossible to predict, and it’s insanity to think anyone can prevent it. And we dont even truly recognize the change until they’ve already become a part of us.
I look back on that path with such a scolding for my choices, speechless at the positions I thoughtlessly sprinted into.
The one glimmer of pride in the pile of ash that is the last 4 years of my life is the knowledge I’ve gained, the hard lessons learned. About people, about myself, about the truly chaotic nature of the world man has so relentlessly attempted to hide under his rules and ideals. When I was younger, I thought that knowledge would be empowering at the very least, a shining armor for me to bear. This armor isnt shining, not even a little bit. It’s battered, and ashen, and not all that pleasurable to look at. Instead of stronger, I find myself simply more wary.
I guess what I’m getting at is my life’s path has been extremely shocking in retrospect, which, ironically,isnt all that shocking at all.
Life is fuckin weird, guys.
*goes to a party and awkwardly follows freind around the entire time*